Friday, May 18, 2007
There's a lot of things, if I could I'd rearrange
I grew up a little bit yesterday.
Cam has been relentless lately with his attempts to see me. I've heard from him almost every day for the last week and he has even stepped up the compliments which is very rare for him. I've kept him at bay before, but I generally always cave eventually. For a myriad of reasons.
1. I actually do like him as a person. He hasn't ever been terrible to me, and he would never deliberately hurt me.
2. I LOVE his body, more than any other man's alive. I have spent countless hours just running my hands all over it and I can't ever get enough.
3. When we're together, I really enjoy being with him. We laugh a lot and I love it that he'll confide in me about serious things.
4. I hate telling people no, I worry a lot about people not liking me, so I can be a major pushover sometimes for the sake of making myself likeable.
He hounded me all day yesterday to see him last night. I didn't even have any plans. I was tired and just wanted to go home and watch the season finale of Grey's Anatomy and crash. So it would have been easy to just change my plans to go to his place, especially since he told me he would make me dinner and we could just hang out and relax all evening.
I went home right after work and debated. Back and forth I went in my head. I wanted to see him more than I didn't want to see him.
But then I remembered how I wanted to see him a few weeks ago, and he completely blew me off.
Then I remembered how unbelievably selfish he is in bed.
And I remembered that I deserve better. And that I don't have to cheapen myself like this to get validation.
I told myself that over and over again.
And I didn't go. I didn't even call him, because I knew if I talked to him I would cave. I stayed on my couch, cried at Grey's Anatomy and went to bed early.
Then I still get to respect myself in the morning.
Today's Title from: The Fly by U2
Cam has been relentless lately with his attempts to see me. I've heard from him almost every day for the last week and he has even stepped up the compliments which is very rare for him. I've kept him at bay before, but I generally always cave eventually. For a myriad of reasons.
1. I actually do like him as a person. He hasn't ever been terrible to me, and he would never deliberately hurt me.
2. I LOVE his body, more than any other man's alive. I have spent countless hours just running my hands all over it and I can't ever get enough.
3. When we're together, I really enjoy being with him. We laugh a lot and I love it that he'll confide in me about serious things.
4. I hate telling people no, I worry a lot about people not liking me, so I can be a major pushover sometimes for the sake of making myself likeable.
He hounded me all day yesterday to see him last night. I didn't even have any plans. I was tired and just wanted to go home and watch the season finale of Grey's Anatomy and crash. So it would have been easy to just change my plans to go to his place, especially since he told me he would make me dinner and we could just hang out and relax all evening.
I went home right after work and debated. Back and forth I went in my head. I wanted to see him more than I didn't want to see him.
But then I remembered how I wanted to see him a few weeks ago, and he completely blew me off.
Then I remembered how unbelievably selfish he is in bed.
And I remembered that I deserve better. And that I don't have to cheapen myself like this to get validation.
I told myself that over and over again.
And I didn't go. I didn't even call him, because I knew if I talked to him I would cave. I stayed on my couch, cried at Grey's Anatomy and went to bed early.
Then I still get to respect myself in the morning.
Today's Title from: The Fly by U2
Labels: Cam
Posted by Chloe
at 9:19 AM |
Permalink to There's a lot of things, if I could I'd rearrange |
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