The Virginity Monologues

I'm 27. 27! And am a sad, pathetic virgin. BOOOOO. In actuality, I have no right to complain, as it's completely by personal choice. Religious reasons have carried me this far, and now I'm stuck with this millstone around my neck that I just can't get rid of. I've had opportunities, but none have been appealing enough for me to take that jump, despite that constant nagging in my head that says, "LOSE IT, already!" What's it going to take, you ask? Well, I claim that I am waiting for marriage (and I probably will), but if someone came along that loved me, and I mean REALLY loved me, and I loved him, I would do it. I would! (If I say that enough, I might convince myself.)

There's only been one person that was ever a viable option. The ex. Oh, the ex! Man alive, did I love him. It's wacky. I had a serious boyfriend in high school and then part of college (of my similar religion, so sex was never part of the equation), but I never had even a fraction of the feelings that I had for Mark (the ex). Our time together was short, but intense. It ended as I expected it to, he gave me the 'have sex with me or we break up' ultimatum and I couldn't bring myself to do it. I wasn't selling myself so cheaply. The really stupid thing is that if he had been a little more patient and given me a few more months, he probably would have gotten what he so desperately wanted without having to force my hand (or... any other part of my body). But, it doesn't matter. Our fate is not to be together, even though I still love him. I think a part of me always will. I should probably stop being friends with him. But I can't help it. He's heroin to me. I've tried a couple of forms of methadone, but I just keep coming back to the good stuff. As I write this we are planning dinner together tonight and even though I know a better course of action, I will not take it. I have no self-discipline. Boo to me.

So this is my quest. My endeavor, if you will. To lose my virginity. Enjoy the journey.