Monday, June 26, 2006
A Conditioned Response
In case any of you were worried, I have officially had my daily quota of vegetables, all in my lunch. Salad. Minestrone soup. Carrots.
Why?
Because I woke up hating myself. I hate the way that I let myself worry too much about dumb boys. I couldn't sleep last night because I was thinking too much about 2 situations that are absolutely ridiculous and I shouldn't be wasting one second of my life thinking about them. Neither one of the men occupying my thoughts is good enough for me.
And so, today I hate myself.
Generally, my answer to this conundrum involves cajun fries from the deli next door. But I was thinking about this, and remembered a time when I was a faithful gym goer (which is not an accurate description of my relationship with the gym these days), and how much I don't care about guys when I'm going to the gym and how much better I feel about myself in general.
Because I don't want to care. I want to be ambivalent and blase. I want to not obsess over a text message. I want to be able to walk away and not care whether or not I hear from them again.
I want freedom and liberation.
Maybe the answer is running and carrots.
Because I don't think that its cajun fries.
Why?
Because I woke up hating myself. I hate the way that I let myself worry too much about dumb boys. I couldn't sleep last night because I was thinking too much about 2 situations that are absolutely ridiculous and I shouldn't be wasting one second of my life thinking about them. Neither one of the men occupying my thoughts is good enough for me.
And so, today I hate myself.
Generally, my answer to this conundrum involves cajun fries from the deli next door. But I was thinking about this, and remembered a time when I was a faithful gym goer (which is not an accurate description of my relationship with the gym these days), and how much I don't care about guys when I'm going to the gym and how much better I feel about myself in general.
Because I don't want to care. I want to be ambivalent and blase. I want to not obsess over a text message. I want to be able to walk away and not care whether or not I hear from them again.
I want freedom and liberation.
Maybe the answer is running and carrots.
Because I don't think that its cajun fries.
