Monday, June 30, 2008
And maybe someday we will meet, And maybe talk and not just speak
At an official total weight loss of about 22 lbs to date, I've noticed a few things that I love about losing weight.
1. My clothes are decidedly looser and I can officially fit perfectly into the pants that I once pulled a muscle in my neck trying to squeeze my fat ass into.
2. The incredible shrinking waist. I've always been blessed with a weirdly small waist, which makes me about as hourglassy as a person can be. My waist is also the first place I start losing weight. Small becomes smaller. Its kinda nutty, but totally awesome to look at every time I take my shirt off.
3. The ability to fit into more seats on the subway. There is a game that everyone plays on the subway, the Does My Ass Fit Game. We assess a seat, our own ass size, the ass-size of the surrounding people, whether its the end seat or not and evaluate how desperately we want a seat (this sometimes will override any other factor) and then make a decision to sit or not. These days, I feel more confident about sitting in seats that I would have otherwise completely avoided.
4. Clearer skin. My skin is officially the clearest it has ever been in my life. I don't know if its the rampant exercise (yes, I still go to the gym about 3-4 times a week) or if its the more rationed consumption of fried foods, but its definitely, definitely noticeable.
Things I hate About Losing Weight
1. Looser clothes. Most of my pants now look like my "comfortable, baggy" pants. But I don't want to buy more clothes, because I don't plan on fitting into them in another 2-3 months. What's a fashionable girl to do????
_________________________________________________________________
I'm going to completely switch gears now. Sorry, if I give any of you whiplash.
This morning at 7:15, my doorbell rang. Terrified of what it would be, I staggered down our ridiculously long hallway. On the other side of my door was my favorite neighbor.
Her husband had died that morning.
We knew this was coming, and I had asked her to come by and let me/us know if she needed anything.
I took her in my arms and she just pleaded with me to come and visit her that night. To which of course I agreed.
Karen and I just returned from spending the evening with her. We laughed. We cried.
This comes in conjunction with some fairly intense recent sessions with my therapist. And I'm doing some pretty heavy thinking.
I find myself in an interesting position. I'm willing to admit that I would like to find love. As much as the idea of giving another person that much of myself terrifies and repulses me, somewhere deep inside I believe that the real thing would be worth it. The catch is- am I even capable of it?
I have a great capacity to love.
But I find that the longer I am delightfully single and drama-free, the less I am inclined to want to risk. And the stronger my walls become. I WANT to feel. I want to ache. I want to feel butterflies. But I also want to stay in my safe little cocoon of numbness. I want to allow myself to love someone so much, that to lose them would destroy me.
What's a single girl to do?
Today's Title from: Same Mistake by James Blunt
1. My clothes are decidedly looser and I can officially fit perfectly into the pants that I once pulled a muscle in my neck trying to squeeze my fat ass into.
2. The incredible shrinking waist. I've always been blessed with a weirdly small waist, which makes me about as hourglassy as a person can be. My waist is also the first place I start losing weight. Small becomes smaller. Its kinda nutty, but totally awesome to look at every time I take my shirt off.
3. The ability to fit into more seats on the subway. There is a game that everyone plays on the subway, the Does My Ass Fit Game. We assess a seat, our own ass size, the ass-size of the surrounding people, whether its the end seat or not and evaluate how desperately we want a seat (this sometimes will override any other factor) and then make a decision to sit or not. These days, I feel more confident about sitting in seats that I would have otherwise completely avoided.
4. Clearer skin. My skin is officially the clearest it has ever been in my life. I don't know if its the rampant exercise (yes, I still go to the gym about 3-4 times a week) or if its the more rationed consumption of fried foods, but its definitely, definitely noticeable.
Things I hate About Losing Weight
1. Looser clothes. Most of my pants now look like my "comfortable, baggy" pants. But I don't want to buy more clothes, because I don't plan on fitting into them in another 2-3 months. What's a fashionable girl to do????
_________________________________________________________________
I'm going to completely switch gears now. Sorry, if I give any of you whiplash.
This morning at 7:15, my doorbell rang. Terrified of what it would be, I staggered down our ridiculously long hallway. On the other side of my door was my favorite neighbor.
Her husband had died that morning.
We knew this was coming, and I had asked her to come by and let me/us know if she needed anything.
I took her in my arms and she just pleaded with me to come and visit her that night. To which of course I agreed.
Karen and I just returned from spending the evening with her. We laughed. We cried.
This comes in conjunction with some fairly intense recent sessions with my therapist. And I'm doing some pretty heavy thinking.
I find myself in an interesting position. I'm willing to admit that I would like to find love. As much as the idea of giving another person that much of myself terrifies and repulses me, somewhere deep inside I believe that the real thing would be worth it. The catch is- am I even capable of it?
I have a great capacity to love.
But I find that the longer I am delightfully single and drama-free, the less I am inclined to want to risk. And the stronger my walls become. I WANT to feel. I want to ache. I want to feel butterflies. But I also want to stay in my safe little cocoon of numbness. I want to allow myself to love someone so much, that to lose them would destroy me.
What's a single girl to do?
Today's Title from: Same Mistake by James Blunt
Posted by Chloe
at 10:53 PM |
Permalink to And maybe someday we will meet, And maybe talk and not just speak |
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