Friday, August 03, 2007
She wants to know how love’s supposed to be
I have ZERO motivation today. After a stressful week, complete with a day filled with SO MUCH anxiety that I spent the entire day shaking and not eating (apartment legal woes rear their ugly head again). A long, productive talk with my lawyer and a good nights' sleep have helped my state of mind considerably.
Getting to see John Legend in Bryant Park this morning didn't hurt either. YOWSA that man is hot.
I met up with Spatch last night for some tapas and commiseration. Both of us had been through hell and back in the previous 24 hours and drinks and tears were on the agenda. After talking through all of the horrible stuff and surmising that both of us will indeed manage to go on living, I told her the story of Oscar and his lessons for me in Relationship Communication. As I neared the end of the story, the part where apologized to me so sincerely for crimes he didn't commit, I found myself tearing up. I told her about all the legal woes without even choking up, but the second I start talking about Oscar, I lose it.
After I'm done with the story, she ponders the possibility that Oscar might actually be A Good Guy underneath it all after all. She sees the tears, tracking down my face in my ridiculous burst of emotion and says, "You're really falling for him aren't you?"
I nod.
"And I'm TERRIFIED. I'm more scared of my emotions for Oscar than I am of my apartment management company."
She quizzes me on how I'm showing him my feelings and I confess to her that I do as little as humanly possible. My calls and texts to him are the bare miminum. She encourages me to open up and let him in- send him text messages for no reason, telling him that I'm thinking of him and other emotionally expressive steps.
Just thinking about doing this paralyzes me with fear.
I change the subject, getting her advice on ways to supplement my income in this city (I'm NOT great with money, hands-down my biggest flaw) and learning that she is a veritable treasure trove of information.
We leave Las Ramblas, one of our favorite tapas places, and walk up to 14th street. Just as I am saying goodbye to her, my lawyer calls and talks me off my ledge. She assures me that everything will be okay and I am comforted by her legal speak that I don't particularly understand.
And I go home, eager to start our with some of my new ideas and confident that just maybe, the universe might align itself in my favor after all.
Today's Title from: Each Day Gets Better by John Legend
Getting to see John Legend in Bryant Park this morning didn't hurt either. YOWSA that man is hot.
I met up with Spatch last night for some tapas and commiseration. Both of us had been through hell and back in the previous 24 hours and drinks and tears were on the agenda. After talking through all of the horrible stuff and surmising that both of us will indeed manage to go on living, I told her the story of Oscar and his lessons for me in Relationship Communication. As I neared the end of the story, the part where apologized to me so sincerely for crimes he didn't commit, I found myself tearing up. I told her about all the legal woes without even choking up, but the second I start talking about Oscar, I lose it.
After I'm done with the story, she ponders the possibility that Oscar might actually be A Good Guy underneath it all after all. She sees the tears, tracking down my face in my ridiculous burst of emotion and says, "You're really falling for him aren't you?"
I nod.
"And I'm TERRIFIED. I'm more scared of my emotions for Oscar than I am of my apartment management company."
She quizzes me on how I'm showing him my feelings and I confess to her that I do as little as humanly possible. My calls and texts to him are the bare miminum. She encourages me to open up and let him in- send him text messages for no reason, telling him that I'm thinking of him and other emotionally expressive steps.
Just thinking about doing this paralyzes me with fear.
I change the subject, getting her advice on ways to supplement my income in this city (I'm NOT great with money, hands-down my biggest flaw) and learning that she is a veritable treasure trove of information.
We leave Las Ramblas, one of our favorite tapas places, and walk up to 14th street. Just as I am saying goodbye to her, my lawyer calls and talks me off my ledge. She assures me that everything will be okay and I am comforted by her legal speak that I don't particularly understand.
And I go home, eager to start our with some of my new ideas and confident that just maybe, the universe might align itself in my favor after all.
Today's Title from: Each Day Gets Better by John Legend
Posted by Chloe
at 11:28 AM |
Permalink to She wants to know how love’s supposed to be |
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