The Virginity Monologues

5:30 am. I am sleeping in the bed of my brother's trailer, and his son, my nephew stirs in his bed next to me. Within a few seconds, he is crying. I kick the dogs out of bed and pull my nephew into bed with me. He laughs and climbs all over me as I struggle to wake up.

Everyone else in our camp is asleep. We've been camping for 3 days and today we pack up to leave.

The dogs are whining to get out, and I can't ignore them anymore. I snap their leashes on, gather up my nephew and pray that the dogs don't pull us over on their way out of the trailer.

Pretty soon everyone is up and I hand over the little one to my mom, so I can shower. Once I'm ready to go, I bundle my nephew into the car and drive into the nearest city. The city that we drove my brother to in the middle of the night a few nights ago because he couldn't breathe.

I find the hospital again easily, and I walk to my brother's room unbothered. The nurses know me.

I walk in and my sister-in-law takes her son from me and holds him tightly. I walk over to my brother's bed and ask him how he's feeling.

He regards me from behind the oxygen mask and just shakes his head a little.

My sister-in-law heads back up to camp to get her trailer and truck ready for my mom and step-dad to drive it back home, while her and my brother remain at the hospital over the next few days.

I stay with my brother in the meantime.

I cover him with blankets. I refill his water cup. I ready a warm washcloth for when he's done puking.

I listen intently as the doctor explains the results of the chest x-ray. Fluid in the lungs. The pneumonia hasn't changed.

I cry silently in the bathroom. My invincible big brother is heart-breakingly sick. He never should have come on this camping trip, but we all thought it was the flu and it would get better. Plus it was the first time in years that we would all be together. He didn't want to miss out on the jet skis and the four-wheeler and the endless family bonding.

We all gather in his room. I look at my sister, and my two brothers, all of us together in the worst kind of circumstances. We are all struggling to rein in our emotions as we watch them stick another IV into my brother's arm.

We have to leave him. People have to work and I have a plane to catch. I kiss his hot forehead as I leave and tell him that I love him. I hug my sister-in-law tightly, praying that everything turns out okay. That I never again have to marvel at her ability to weather storms like I did after their first child was born still-born only a few short years ago.

Tomorrow I leave to come back to New York.

Tonight I will sleep next to my nephew again. I'll hold him in the morning when he wakes up and pray like hell that his daddy returns to him quickly and safely.

Today's Title from: Without Us the Family Ties Theme