Tuesday, June 12, 2007
And love so distant and obscure
Still no word from Oscar, which is fine. I could probably give at least 20 reasons why we wouldn't have worked out anyway, not the least of which was his need to have Big Production Sex every single time. HELLO. 2 hours gets tiring!
So, I'm back at Square One. A place that I am comfortable and familiar with. Completely alone.
I had a really rough day yesterday. It's a complicated legal situation with my apartment management company that this isn't really the right forum for ranting about. It'll work itself out in the end, but the small steps of getting there is proving to be quite painful. Last night, as I laid in bed, hoping to quiet the demons in my head long enough to fall asleep, I was painfully aware that there was no one I wanted to call, no name in my phonebook that jumped out at me as the person that I wanted to reach out to- a voice to make things better. I wanted arms around me, but I didn't have a name or a face to go with the arms.
I can handle things alone. I've been doing it since I was 18. I've never allowed myself to completely depend on a man, which is probably a large part of the reason that I have never found a dependable one. If that makes any sense.
I don't really know where I was going with this. I'm not bitter or angry or sad. I'm resigned. Maybe I just need to convince myself that I'm okay alone.
Today's Title from: All by Myself by Eric Carmen
So, I'm back at Square One. A place that I am comfortable and familiar with. Completely alone.
I had a really rough day yesterday. It's a complicated legal situation with my apartment management company that this isn't really the right forum for ranting about. It'll work itself out in the end, but the small steps of getting there is proving to be quite painful. Last night, as I laid in bed, hoping to quiet the demons in my head long enough to fall asleep, I was painfully aware that there was no one I wanted to call, no name in my phonebook that jumped out at me as the person that I wanted to reach out to- a voice to make things better. I wanted arms around me, but I didn't have a name or a face to go with the arms.
I can handle things alone. I've been doing it since I was 18. I've never allowed myself to completely depend on a man, which is probably a large part of the reason that I have never found a dependable one. If that makes any sense.
I don't really know where I was going with this. I'm not bitter or angry or sad. I'm resigned. Maybe I just need to convince myself that I'm okay alone.
Today's Title from: All by Myself by Eric Carmen
