Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Take me in, into your darkest hour
I have felt alone lately. At times it has been almost suffocating. I've questioned everything about myself, and at times wondered if all of this is even worth it.
All of that changed last night.
First of all, I had a great birthday. I felt loved and cherished by everyone important to me. I had a great dinner with the greatest friends a girl could ask for at my most favorite restaurant, and I couldn't have been happier about the outcome of the day.
After dinner, Cam and I had planned for me to come over to his house. I called him when I got home, and he sounded frazzled. He needed to reschedule because a friend of his had gotten shot. We've talked before about the area and circumstances in which he grew up, and from what I know, the possibility that this story is true is very valid.
But, I have heard this excuse before from Scott and it was definitely a fabrication. And I have to confess, I didn't believe Cam.
I am getting ready for bed, hanging out with my roommates, when my phone rings.
Cam.
He's upset. He doesn't want to be alone. He needs to talk. Will I come over?
I swallow my guilt at having doubted him, when he has never given me any reason to, and climb into a cab.
We stayed up late, him holding me as close as possible. Just talking. About everything and nothing. He told me stories about his friend and the stupid stuff they did as kids. My heart breaks for the emotion that he's showing me and the emotion I know he's holding back. I am horrified that this has happened to him, but ecstatic that in this time, I was the one he wanted to be with. And I finally understand that needing someone and letting them see me vulnerable (other than my best friend, Karen, obviously) maybe isn't so bad. When Cam showed me that he needed me, I couldn't have been happier to oblige. I didn't even hesistate. Why should I let myself continue to believe that he wouldn't be willing to do the same for me?
When we both finally fell asleep, he pulled me close and didn't let go all night.
Today's Title from: I'll Stand By You by The Pretenders
All of that changed last night.
First of all, I had a great birthday. I felt loved and cherished by everyone important to me. I had a great dinner with the greatest friends a girl could ask for at my most favorite restaurant, and I couldn't have been happier about the outcome of the day.
After dinner, Cam and I had planned for me to come over to his house. I called him when I got home, and he sounded frazzled. He needed to reschedule because a friend of his had gotten shot. We've talked before about the area and circumstances in which he grew up, and from what I know, the possibility that this story is true is very valid.
But, I have heard this excuse before from Scott and it was definitely a fabrication. And I have to confess, I didn't believe Cam.
I am getting ready for bed, hanging out with my roommates, when my phone rings.
Cam.
He's upset. He doesn't want to be alone. He needs to talk. Will I come over?
I swallow my guilt at having doubted him, when he has never given me any reason to, and climb into a cab.
We stayed up late, him holding me as close as possible. Just talking. About everything and nothing. He told me stories about his friend and the stupid stuff they did as kids. My heart breaks for the emotion that he's showing me and the emotion I know he's holding back. I am horrified that this has happened to him, but ecstatic that in this time, I was the one he wanted to be with. And I finally understand that needing someone and letting them see me vulnerable (other than my best friend, Karen, obviously) maybe isn't so bad. When Cam showed me that he needed me, I couldn't have been happier to oblige. I didn't even hesistate. Why should I let myself continue to believe that he wouldn't be willing to do the same for me?
When we both finally fell asleep, he pulled me close and didn't let go all night.
Today's Title from: I'll Stand By You by The Pretenders
Labels: Cam
