Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Guidance from Above
For the record, I totally stole the idea for today's post from the book, Rachel's Holiday by Marian Keyes- which is one of my most favorite books ever. Go read it. Now.
If we all have guardian angels, then I think mine must hate me, or he/she must really be into tough love. I imagine that this is what my guardian angel has been telling his/her guardian angel friends around the water cooler-
"Chloe is getting better at this jaded business. She's not falling for men so quickly anymore. Well, I'm not doing my job unless I get some degree of heartbreak in at least once a month, so I'm going to send her someone. It'll start slow, with mild flirting. I'm not going to give her any red flags- he won't talk about other women around her, he won't try to sleep with her, he'll just be cute and sweet and she'll think that she's met a Nice Guy.
Things will progress. Text messages. Emails. More hanging out. Lots more flirting that will also involve lots of touching. She will still be cautious though. She has been burned so badly before that she will try her hardest not to read too much into things and she will approach the scenario with cautious optimism.
Then, I'm going to send in the clincher. He's going to call her. And talk to her for a long, long time. He will joke seductively and promise her anything to make up for an earlier wrong he had committed. Here, here is where she will cave and let herself actually believe that he is interested. She will allow hope to creep in and take hold in her heart.
(Insert evil laugh)
The next day she will send an email. A joking, breezy, totally non-pressuring email about something they had discussed the night before.
And then..... she will get NO response from him.
Friends will try to convince her that he's busy, etc, etc and tell her not to get too upset about it.
But after 2 days of silence the message will ring loud and clear to her.
Sure, she'll put on her brave face and say that she's fine and that she doesn't care, yada, yada. But deep down, she'll be dying. She won't understand and she'll think that she's defective in some form.
Good times!!!!!
And then to add insult to injury, when she goes to the gym she'll realize that she brought her light blue gym pants, the ones that are fairly see-through, and she'll realize that her panties have big red polka dots on them, which are quite visible through her pants. Awesome! She'll run anyway, which I've really got to put a stop to, because on the treadmill she remembers that running is better than men.
That's okay. She can think that for a while. With this incident, I've filled up my heartbreak quota for a couple of months!"
They all laugh and disperse back to their desks.
Dear God-
May I please have a new guardian angel? Or can you please put large, thick walls around my heart that will not allow me to ever be a fool again?
Sincerely-
Chloe
If we all have guardian angels, then I think mine must hate me, or he/she must really be into tough love. I imagine that this is what my guardian angel has been telling his/her guardian angel friends around the water cooler-
"Chloe is getting better at this jaded business. She's not falling for men so quickly anymore. Well, I'm not doing my job unless I get some degree of heartbreak in at least once a month, so I'm going to send her someone. It'll start slow, with mild flirting. I'm not going to give her any red flags- he won't talk about other women around her, he won't try to sleep with her, he'll just be cute and sweet and she'll think that she's met a Nice Guy.
Things will progress. Text messages. Emails. More hanging out. Lots more flirting that will also involve lots of touching. She will still be cautious though. She has been burned so badly before that she will try her hardest not to read too much into things and she will approach the scenario with cautious optimism.
Then, I'm going to send in the clincher. He's going to call her. And talk to her for a long, long time. He will joke seductively and promise her anything to make up for an earlier wrong he had committed. Here, here is where she will cave and let herself actually believe that he is interested. She will allow hope to creep in and take hold in her heart.
(Insert evil laugh)
The next day she will send an email. A joking, breezy, totally non-pressuring email about something they had discussed the night before.
And then..... she will get NO response from him.
Friends will try to convince her that he's busy, etc, etc and tell her not to get too upset about it.
But after 2 days of silence the message will ring loud and clear to her.
Sure, she'll put on her brave face and say that she's fine and that she doesn't care, yada, yada. But deep down, she'll be dying. She won't understand and she'll think that she's defective in some form.
Good times!!!!!
And then to add insult to injury, when she goes to the gym she'll realize that she brought her light blue gym pants, the ones that are fairly see-through, and she'll realize that her panties have big red polka dots on them, which are quite visible through her pants. Awesome! She'll run anyway, which I've really got to put a stop to, because on the treadmill she remembers that running is better than men.
That's okay. She can think that for a while. With this incident, I've filled up my heartbreak quota for a couple of months!"
They all laugh and disperse back to their desks.
Dear God-
May I please have a new guardian angel? Or can you please put large, thick walls around my heart that will not allow me to ever be a fool again?
Sincerely-
Chloe
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