Friday, September 23, 2005
Step One
I dreamed that I lost my niece and nephew last night. I was responsible for them, and I wasn't paying attention and I lost them. I'm sure that there is a some Freudian meaning to this dream, but I've never been very good at dream interpretation. But I called my sister first thing this morning to make sure that it wasn't any kind of omen. That stuff scares the shit out of me.
Looking back through this blog, I see a pattern. I see myself allowing man after man to treat me like garbage. And I've been very quick to call them all assholes and dickheads. But really, the fault lies in me. I alone am responsible. I have relatively low self-esteem and hooking up with men is a form of validation for me. It's not healthy. It's not smart. It needs to end. Isn't the first step recognizing the problem? Now that I recognize it, can I divert myself from future mistakes?
I better.
Because if I don't?
I lose my best friend.
But worse than that.
I lose myself.
Looking back through this blog, I see a pattern. I see myself allowing man after man to treat me like garbage. And I've been very quick to call them all assholes and dickheads. But really, the fault lies in me. I alone am responsible. I have relatively low self-esteem and hooking up with men is a form of validation for me. It's not healthy. It's not smart. It needs to end. Isn't the first step recognizing the problem? Now that I recognize it, can I divert myself from future mistakes?
I better.
Because if I don't?
I lose my best friend.
But worse than that.
I lose myself.
