Thursday, August 04, 2005
The one that got away
I am tired. I was on the phone until way too late last night trying to convince someone that I really didn't want to have phone sex. Sheesh. Some people just can't take no for an answer.
So, we've covered a lot of men in my past. Every single one of them, I'm glad I'm not with anymore, for one reason or another. There's one though, that I would still marry, to this day, if he showed up and asked, which he won't- cause he's married and fathering children. I was a silly, silly freshman in college. He was a senior and 26. Clearly, there was a significant age difference, which was especially pronounced at those years. We spent a lot of time together. We went up to campus together and he studied while I pretended to study, but was really just basking in his presence. We went on a date to Romeo and Juliet (the Baz Luhrmann version) and I thought my heart would break from loving him so much. He was brilliant and funny and just so great. He started dating another girl, but still spent a lot of time with me. The really crappy thing was, she and I got to be friends and I really liked her a lot. I wanted to hate her, I really did, but I couldn't. Him and I talked about 'us' just once. I asked him what he was doing, dating her and complaining to me about her, and then continuing to spend so much time with me. It wasn't fair to either me or her. He told me he didn't know what he was doing with her, that he often questioned why he wasn't dating me. We were shortly thereafter interrupted by his roommates and the conversation was forgotten. He married her and I never got over him. He is still the yardstick that I measure all men up against. I don't think of him so much anymore. And I recognize that I was foolish back then, and there was definitely a degree of maturity that I didn't have. But part of me feels like he is the best that I'm ever going to see and from here on out, I will just have to be satisfied with something less. Damn, that sucks.
So, we've covered a lot of men in my past. Every single one of them, I'm glad I'm not with anymore, for one reason or another. There's one though, that I would still marry, to this day, if he showed up and asked, which he won't- cause he's married and fathering children. I was a silly, silly freshman in college. He was a senior and 26. Clearly, there was a significant age difference, which was especially pronounced at those years. We spent a lot of time together. We went up to campus together and he studied while I pretended to study, but was really just basking in his presence. We went on a date to Romeo and Juliet (the Baz Luhrmann version) and I thought my heart would break from loving him so much. He was brilliant and funny and just so great. He started dating another girl, but still spent a lot of time with me. The really crappy thing was, she and I got to be friends and I really liked her a lot. I wanted to hate her, I really did, but I couldn't. Him and I talked about 'us' just once. I asked him what he was doing, dating her and complaining to me about her, and then continuing to spend so much time with me. It wasn't fair to either me or her. He told me he didn't know what he was doing with her, that he often questioned why he wasn't dating me. We were shortly thereafter interrupted by his roommates and the conversation was forgotten. He married her and I never got over him. He is still the yardstick that I measure all men up against. I don't think of him so much anymore. And I recognize that I was foolish back then, and there was definitely a degree of maturity that I didn't have. But part of me feels like he is the best that I'm ever going to see and from here on out, I will just have to be satisfied with something less. Damn, that sucks.
