Wednesday, June 29, 2005
The past, haunting me
If he had asked me to marry him, I would have said yes. We lived 100 feet from each other for a year. I invented every excuse in the book to go over to their house on a regular basis. He cooked me dinner, I in turn, fed him multiple times. I took him shopping, determined that he would be my husband and he would definitely need to dress better. We had class together and sat next to each other. He emailed me notes when I missed class and would send me other emails that told me all the minutiae of his soul. He let me wax his chest. We never dated. We talked about it, but he never "felt that way". Before I left for New York, I told him that I loved him; he said that I was "amazing". After my plane landed, there was a text message from him, waiting for my eager fingers. It said how much I would be missed. Our friendship continued. Phone calls. Emails with lyrics to songs about a boy in love with a girl in New York City. Two weeks after I started dating my ex he called me to tell me that he was in love, with someone else. I cried for a long time. A month ago, he married her. I was suprised to discover how glad I was that it wasn't me. Last Friday night he called me, just to say hi. I have nothing to say to him. He owned my heart for nearly 2 years. I'm all talked out.
Do we ever make the right decision about who to fall in love with?
Do we ever make the right decision about who to fall in love with?