Monday, May 16, 2005
Music of My Heart
I LOVE music. Music is a passion and obsession for me. Music can take me back to any time and place. Save the Best for Last by Vanessa Williams was OUR song with my first boyfriend and every time I hear it I get a pang for that boy who was my first kiss all those 13 years ago. Paula Abdul- Forever Your Girl- my 5th grade boyfriend. Thompson Twins- If You Were Here- my former best friend and the boy that I loved more than any other boy, ever. We used to watch Sixteen Candles together, a LOT. Celine Dion- My Heart Will Go On- as much as I HATE this song, every time I hear it, I relive the train station in Russia scene over and over again, where I had to say goodbye to the family that I had loved so much. They played that song constantly in Russia. CONSTANTLY. It seemed appropriate that it was playing over the PA that day. Bell Biv Devoe- Do Me- we put this song on my friend's answering machine in 8th grade when her parents were out of town. It was so awesome. Her parents were not amused. I could go on and on.
There are multiple songs that make me fall in love with my ex all over again. Most notably- The Only Living Boy in New York by Simon and Garfunkel. Here's why- it was September 10, we went and bought my iPod. I was ecstatic. We sat in the Apple store in SoHo and downloaded a TON of music from his laptop. One of the greatest things about my ex was his taste in music. It was impeccable. He introduced me to a lot of really great stuff. I really miss that. After we finished with all of that stuff, we left the Apple Store and were walking, looking for someplace to eat dinner, or so I thought. He had been different that day. I am not big into PDA, and we generally didn't indulge in it much, but he had been particularly affectionate that day, holding me very tight in the line at Apple. Anyway, as we walked, he pulled me into a side street/sidewalky deserted place. We broke up. I cried. He cried. It took every single ounce of strength that I possessed to walk away. I was not hugely familiar with the West Village at the time, so I wandered a little aimlessly looking for the damn subway, bawling on the phone to my sister. I finally made it into the subway. God, I thought I was going to die from the pain ripping at my heart. I couldn't stop crying, which is kind of a no-no on the subway. New Yorkers do not show emotion on public transportation. I pulled out my brand-new iPod. The only music on there was his. I pulled up The Only Living Boy in New York and put it on repeat. I listened to it over and over again on that horrendously long subway ride, thinking of everything that I had just lost. And now everytime I hear that song, I am back on that subway, missing him so much that I can't breathe, wanting nothing more than to go to him and put my head on his familiar shoulder and cry. Which is really weird because I LOATHE letting people see me cry.
The thing is- my ex-boyfriend is one of the greatest guys I've ever known. He has an amazing heart and he was SO good to me. I still can't figure out what he was doing with me. Someday. Someday I will love someone that much again.
There are multiple songs that make me fall in love with my ex all over again. Most notably- The Only Living Boy in New York by Simon and Garfunkel. Here's why- it was September 10, we went and bought my iPod. I was ecstatic. We sat in the Apple store in SoHo and downloaded a TON of music from his laptop. One of the greatest things about my ex was his taste in music. It was impeccable. He introduced me to a lot of really great stuff. I really miss that. After we finished with all of that stuff, we left the Apple Store and were walking, looking for someplace to eat dinner, or so I thought. He had been different that day. I am not big into PDA, and we generally didn't indulge in it much, but he had been particularly affectionate that day, holding me very tight in the line at Apple. Anyway, as we walked, he pulled me into a side street/sidewalky deserted place. We broke up. I cried. He cried. It took every single ounce of strength that I possessed to walk away. I was not hugely familiar with the West Village at the time, so I wandered a little aimlessly looking for the damn subway, bawling on the phone to my sister. I finally made it into the subway. God, I thought I was going to die from the pain ripping at my heart. I couldn't stop crying, which is kind of a no-no on the subway. New Yorkers do not show emotion on public transportation. I pulled out my brand-new iPod. The only music on there was his. I pulled up The Only Living Boy in New York and put it on repeat. I listened to it over and over again on that horrendously long subway ride, thinking of everything that I had just lost. And now everytime I hear that song, I am back on that subway, missing him so much that I can't breathe, wanting nothing more than to go to him and put my head on his familiar shoulder and cry. Which is really weird because I LOATHE letting people see me cry.
The thing is- my ex-boyfriend is one of the greatest guys I've ever known. He has an amazing heart and he was SO good to me. I still can't figure out what he was doing with me. Someday. Someday I will love someone that much again.
Labels: The Ex
