The Virginity Monologues

Dear Bed Bugs-

Thank you for not biting me for the last 2 nights. I hope this means you are gone forever. Just to be sure, the exterminator is coming again next week.

See ya later suckas!
Chloe


Dear Life-

You suck. How ‘bout finding me a good solid reason to get out of bed in the morning. Mashed potatoes don’t count as a good enough reason.

Thanks-
Chloe


Dear Lady at Hardware Store-

Against my personal principles, I’ll be coming in tomorrow. I need the lumber more than I need to boycott your ugly-ass face. Try not to be wearing you’re grumpy boots.

Smooches-
Chloe

Today's Title from: Delicate by Damien Rice