Thursday, February 14, 2008
I've been drawing the line and watching it fall
When I was growing up, we had a tradition in our household. We didn’t have a lot of money, as my mother was a single parent raising 4 kids on a teacher’s salary, so we got our boxes of Valentine’s Day chocolates the day AFTER Valentine’s Day, when they were half off.
Today I find myself nostalgic for the days when a box of sub-par chocolates were the highlight of my life. I studied the ‘map’ of the chocolates extensively, making sure that I saved the best ones (caramel or anything with nuts) for very last, and eating the less desirables (orange cream- UGH!) first.
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Yellow cabs aren’t often found in my neighborhood, especially during the late night hours. So, I often take livery (what I call- gypsy) cabs. They are Lincoln town cars that drive around Harlem/Washington Heights/Inwood, looking for passengers. Fare is often cheaper than what you would pay in a yellow cab, although minimum payment is always $6, so if your jaunt is a short one (like the 9 blocks between me and The DJ’s house, a route that I never take anymore), you can get a little screwed on your fare.
Last night, I met Nicole at a bar near her place, about 30ish blocks away from me. Around 1 am, I hailed myself a cab. As the cab pulled up in front of my apartment building, the driver turned around and asked me what I normally get charged for this route.
As I handed him $10, I said, “Six or seven dollars, depending on how cute they think I am.”
He handed me back $4.
I may not be dating, but I definitely still got it.
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I started calling around to therapists today. Its time to fix whats wrong with me.
I want to be able to walk into any situation, and not fret about being good enough. I want to sleep through a night after someone promised to call me and didn't. I want to be able to walk away, when I know I'm with someone I shouldn't be with, and never look back. I want to not worry that every single one of my friends is going to eventually ditch on me. I want to be happy for friends in new relationships, even if I don't agree with everything about it. I want to be confident and strong enough in myself to never settle for less than what I deserve.
I want to stop being so fucking sad all the time.
Today's Title from: The Pieces Don't Fit Anymore by James Morrison
Today I find myself nostalgic for the days when a box of sub-par chocolates were the highlight of my life. I studied the ‘map’ of the chocolates extensively, making sure that I saved the best ones (caramel or anything with nuts) for very last, and eating the less desirables (orange cream- UGH!) first.
_______________________________________________________________
Yellow cabs aren’t often found in my neighborhood, especially during the late night hours. So, I often take livery (what I call- gypsy) cabs. They are Lincoln town cars that drive around Harlem/Washington Heights/Inwood, looking for passengers. Fare is often cheaper than what you would pay in a yellow cab, although minimum payment is always $6, so if your jaunt is a short one (like the 9 blocks between me and The DJ’s house, a route that I never take anymore), you can get a little screwed on your fare.
Last night, I met Nicole at a bar near her place, about 30ish blocks away from me. Around 1 am, I hailed myself a cab. As the cab pulled up in front of my apartment building, the driver turned around and asked me what I normally get charged for this route.
As I handed him $10, I said, “Six or seven dollars, depending on how cute they think I am.”
He handed me back $4.
I may not be dating, but I definitely still got it.
_________________________________________________________________
I started calling around to therapists today. Its time to fix whats wrong with me.
I want to be able to walk into any situation, and not fret about being good enough. I want to sleep through a night after someone promised to call me and didn't. I want to be able to walk away, when I know I'm with someone I shouldn't be with, and never look back. I want to not worry that every single one of my friends is going to eventually ditch on me. I want to be happy for friends in new relationships, even if I don't agree with everything about it. I want to be confident and strong enough in myself to never settle for less than what I deserve.
I want to stop being so fucking sad all the time.
Today's Title from: The Pieces Don't Fit Anymore by James Morrison
Posted by Chloe
at 5:32 PM |
Permalink to I've been drawing the line and watching it fall |
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