Monday, February 11, 2008
So I can start, To find my way, Out of the dark
On Saturday night, I attended my first ever lingerie party. Don’t get it twisted, this was not a party where some ‘independent consultant’ comes and peddles her wares to a bunch of women looking to re-ignite their loves lives. This was a party where you are required to wear lingerie to attend.
And peeps, I rediscovered the power of the breasts. It was a magical evening of gawking and staring; complements of my lovely new red bustier. And I finally, finally got to kiss my friend, Jonathan, who is one of my most favorite people in the whole world (not just the burning man community) but who never believes me when I tell him that.
By the end of the evening, I had given my number to a tall, adorably awkward white guy who was enraptured with me. So much so, that he asked to go out with me the next day. But I am smack in the middle of an incredibly busy time of my life right now (am triple booked for tonight!), and offered him next weekend, which he gratefully took.
My problem is- I’m indifferent. Actually, I’m less than indifferent. I don’t want to date. Period.
I’m not lying or trying to convince myself of anything when I say that I’m not interested in any sort of relationship right now. The hurt from the end of Oscar is still so fresh and raw that I occasionally still have to have a little cry before I can even get out of bed in the morning. I can’t even imagine investing emotion into anyone right now. It exhausts and repulses me to even think about it. I’ve already had to blow off some guy that I met a few weeks ago because he was jumping into the whole relationship thing WAY too fast and I was freaking out. I hadn’t even been on a date with The Freak Show and I was already feeling smothered and suffocated.
Its an interesting sort of experiment- how for the first time in my life- I genuinely just want some ME time, that all of the sudden, I’m fucking irresistible.
Today's Title from: Stillness of Heart by Lenny Kravitz
And peeps, I rediscovered the power of the breasts. It was a magical evening of gawking and staring; complements of my lovely new red bustier. And I finally, finally got to kiss my friend, Jonathan, who is one of my most favorite people in the whole world (not just the burning man community) but who never believes me when I tell him that.
By the end of the evening, I had given my number to a tall, adorably awkward white guy who was enraptured with me. So much so, that he asked to go out with me the next day. But I am smack in the middle of an incredibly busy time of my life right now (am triple booked for tonight!), and offered him next weekend, which he gratefully took.
My problem is- I’m indifferent. Actually, I’m less than indifferent. I don’t want to date. Period.
I’m not lying or trying to convince myself of anything when I say that I’m not interested in any sort of relationship right now. The hurt from the end of Oscar is still so fresh and raw that I occasionally still have to have a little cry before I can even get out of bed in the morning. I can’t even imagine investing emotion into anyone right now. It exhausts and repulses me to even think about it. I’ve already had to blow off some guy that I met a few weeks ago because he was jumping into the whole relationship thing WAY too fast and I was freaking out. I hadn’t even been on a date with The Freak Show and I was already feeling smothered and suffocated.
Its an interesting sort of experiment- how for the first time in my life- I genuinely just want some ME time, that all of the sudden, I’m fucking irresistible.
Today's Title from: Stillness of Heart by Lenny Kravitz
Posted by Chloe
at 1:31 PM |
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