Friday, January 11, 2008
Sometimes what we think we really want we don't
IM Conversation:
Cam: Can I take you out for your birthday?
Me: Um. Honestly. I don’t think so.
Cam: Okay?
Me: I’m in a really complicated place right now.
Cam: Elaborate.
Me: I’m in the middle of ending something really terrible and beginning something really amazing.
Cam: What are you talking about?
Me: Relationships.
Me: I mean, nothing has been said about commitment or exclusivity or anything like that, but I’ve met someone who for the first time in a long time really SEES me and adores me for who I really am. I have to give this as fair of a chance as possible. And hooking up with exes doesn’t fall into the category of Giving This a Fair Chance.
Phone Conversation:
Me: So, I don’t know if that actually needs to be said or not since we barely speak anymore and I haven’t seen you in a month, and we had that enormous fight last Friday when you admitted that you’ve been seeing someone else the entire time we’ve been together and it hurt so badly if felt like someone had punched me in the gut, but… I’m done. This is over.
Silence on the other end.
Me: You don’t have anything to say?
Oscar: No. No disrespect to you, but I can’t deal with this today. I’m not talking about this.
More silence.
Me: Okay, fine. But this is it, I’m done.
Oscar: I’m not talking about this.
And it may not be over in his mind- but it is officially completely over in mine.
And I officially feel 30. And it feels great. It feels great to not make the same mistakes over and over again. It feels good to be an adult and to recognize that filling the empty spaces in my life with the Less Than Deserving- isn’t worth it.
Today's Title from: Glass by Ingrid Michaelson
Cam: Can I take you out for your birthday?
Me: Um. Honestly. I don’t think so.
Cam: Okay?
Me: I’m in a really complicated place right now.
Cam: Elaborate.
Me: I’m in the middle of ending something really terrible and beginning something really amazing.
Cam: What are you talking about?
Me: Relationships.
Me: I mean, nothing has been said about commitment or exclusivity or anything like that, but I’ve met someone who for the first time in a long time really SEES me and adores me for who I really am. I have to give this as fair of a chance as possible. And hooking up with exes doesn’t fall into the category of Giving This a Fair Chance.
Phone Conversation:
Me: So, I don’t know if that actually needs to be said or not since we barely speak anymore and I haven’t seen you in a month, and we had that enormous fight last Friday when you admitted that you’ve been seeing someone else the entire time we’ve been together and it hurt so badly if felt like someone had punched me in the gut, but… I’m done. This is over.
Silence on the other end.
Me: You don’t have anything to say?
Oscar: No. No disrespect to you, but I can’t deal with this today. I’m not talking about this.
More silence.
Me: Okay, fine. But this is it, I’m done.
Oscar: I’m not talking about this.
And it may not be over in his mind- but it is officially completely over in mine.
And I officially feel 30. And it feels great. It feels great to not make the same mistakes over and over again. It feels good to be an adult and to recognize that filling the empty spaces in my life with the Less Than Deserving- isn’t worth it.
Today's Title from: Glass by Ingrid Michaelson
Posted by Chloe
at 2:39 PM |
Permalink to Sometimes what we think we really want we don't |
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