Thursday, February 01, 2007
Don't lose sight of who you are
2 1/2 years ago, I experienced my first real heartbreak. And it rocked me, to the very core of who I was. Enough to make me question all of my personal beliefs that resulted in a major lifestyle change for me. My heart absolutely shattered. And it took months and months of recovery for me to ever feel normal again.
But the truth is, I've never been the same. I picked up the pieces of my broken heart and tried to put everything together again, but in all the wrong ways turning myself into a bit of a pornographic Humpty Dumpty.
I've searched for validation, something to make me feel whole again in the most ridiculous places. I've expected other people to fill in me the things that I lack. I've rationalized terrible behavior from terrible men, because I just want to be back in that place- where I love someone and they love me.
Every break-up gets easier. I cry. I feel awful. I move on. There isn't anybody that I'm still crying about 6 months later. But with each subsequent man that I let into my life that doesn't really deserve me, I chip away at my self-worth. I value myself less and less. And the void gets bigger and bigger.
I want to feel complete without a man.
I want to feel whole, filled with nothing but my own self-worth.
I want to be alone and I want to be okay with it.
Today's Title from: I'm Not That Girl by Idina Menzel in Wicked
But the truth is, I've never been the same. I picked up the pieces of my broken heart and tried to put everything together again, but in all the wrong ways turning myself into a bit of a pornographic Humpty Dumpty.
I've searched for validation, something to make me feel whole again in the most ridiculous places. I've expected other people to fill in me the things that I lack. I've rationalized terrible behavior from terrible men, because I just want to be back in that place- where I love someone and they love me.
Every break-up gets easier. I cry. I feel awful. I move on. There isn't anybody that I'm still crying about 6 months later. But with each subsequent man that I let into my life that doesn't really deserve me, I chip away at my self-worth. I value myself less and less. And the void gets bigger and bigger.
I want to feel complete without a man.
I want to feel whole, filled with nothing but my own self-worth.
I want to be alone and I want to be okay with it.
Today's Title from: I'm Not That Girl by Idina Menzel in Wicked
