Friday, August 25, 2006
Half of the time we're gone but we don't know where
I didn't understand the need that other couples had to be with each other every waking second when we first started dating. Don't get me wrong, I LOVED being with you, I just didn't crave you the way that I expected to.
After about a month and a half of serious dating, I began to understand, and I ached for you. You were an addiction, a drug, and I never wanted to come down from that high.
We all went out to dinner one night, the standard 4 of us. You, me, one of my bestest- L, and your roommate, Pete. The laughter and the fun never seemed to stop for us. Whether it was me and L, entertaining with stories of our crazy co-workers, or L and Pete mimicking us and our inability to separate from each other; or you, just being you.
L and I were laughing, you had teased me about something and as I turned to you, to bask in the sheer joy of the moment, being with you, having you; you looked at me and said those 3 words:
I love you.
I felt my face register the shock.
And we both were remembering the conversation that took place a few weeks earlier. When I had told you not to say that to me until I said it first. I warned you that I had ended relationships when men said that too quickly. Those words freaked me out and I needed to be ready.
You immediately took it back. You didn't mean it, you protested.
I laughed and just took your hand in mine. Don't worry about it, I told you. But I knew that you were worried that I would freak out and break up with you shortly thereafter.
You had to leave early that night to go to some friends' play way out in BFE Brooklyn, which I had no interest in. But I called you later, and you didn't answer.
I called you that night to tell you that I loved you too.
2 years later and I'm not sure that either one of us ever really felt it at all.
After about a month and a half of serious dating, I began to understand, and I ached for you. You were an addiction, a drug, and I never wanted to come down from that high.
We all went out to dinner one night, the standard 4 of us. You, me, one of my bestest- L, and your roommate, Pete. The laughter and the fun never seemed to stop for us. Whether it was me and L, entertaining with stories of our crazy co-workers, or L and Pete mimicking us and our inability to separate from each other; or you, just being you.
L and I were laughing, you had teased me about something and as I turned to you, to bask in the sheer joy of the moment, being with you, having you; you looked at me and said those 3 words:
I love you.
I felt my face register the shock.
And we both were remembering the conversation that took place a few weeks earlier. When I had told you not to say that to me until I said it first. I warned you that I had ended relationships when men said that too quickly. Those words freaked me out and I needed to be ready.
You immediately took it back. You didn't mean it, you protested.
I laughed and just took your hand in mine. Don't worry about it, I told you. But I knew that you were worried that I would freak out and break up with you shortly thereafter.
You had to leave early that night to go to some friends' play way out in BFE Brooklyn, which I had no interest in. But I called you later, and you didn't answer.
I called you that night to tell you that I loved you too.
2 years later and I'm not sure that either one of us ever really felt it at all.
Labels: The Ex
Posted by Chloe
at 2:35 PM |
Permalink to Half of the time we're gone but we don't know where |
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