Monday, April 03, 2006
Is It Getting Better...
Last night, Marc and I learned that maybe we did have the ability to communicate.
I was at Karen's. It had been a LONG, crazy weekend with insane amounts of alcohol and then subsequent vomiting. I was still sickish and exhausted and recuperating by conking out on Karen's couch during Gray's Anatomy. Another friend was over and a little hyper-sensitive. Her and Karen got into a fight, Friend had to leave, Karen had to let her out, there was a little more yelling at the gate that involved the word, "BITCH!".
Marc heard all this, since he lives directly next door to Karen and came out to see what all the commotion was about. They started talking, and Karen yelled up to me to take the cookies out of the oven and when I poked my head out the window, Marc said, "HEY!". I was so shocked at seeing him I didn't even respond. I just pulled my head back in the window and shut it. Then I realized that I was a being a big baby and this was a chance to set things straight. So I went down there.
As Karen and I were discussing the situation and he was listening, I could feel his eyes, searching my face. What was he looking for? What was he remembering? Karen then went upstairs. We talked.
At first, we pretended like nothing had happened at all. As if we just hadn't seen each for 3 months and there hadn't been any relationship altering text messages or emails. We talked about work and life and my tattoo (which he totally dug) and his plans for this coming year and everything except for the elephant between us.
Talk was winding down and he had dinner waiting inside for him. And then he brought it up. He was sorry, he said. He hadn't meant for me to take his text messages the way that I did. And then he said, "Why don't you ever come over anymore? When are you going to come and play Madden football again?"
Me: I don't know, I'm pretty crazy busy these days.
Marc: Will I see you again... soon?
Me: I don't know.
You'd think I could have come up with a more creative answer then the incessant 'I don't know'. But I was confused and I was afraid of showing too much emotion about anything.
I realized while we were talking that I couldn't look him in the eye. I couldn't let him see. I didn't want him to know that after all this time and all the tears and all the miscommunications, I was still in love with him.
I was at Karen's. It had been a LONG, crazy weekend with insane amounts of alcohol and then subsequent vomiting. I was still sickish and exhausted and recuperating by conking out on Karen's couch during Gray's Anatomy. Another friend was over and a little hyper-sensitive. Her and Karen got into a fight, Friend had to leave, Karen had to let her out, there was a little more yelling at the gate that involved the word, "BITCH!".
Marc heard all this, since he lives directly next door to Karen and came out to see what all the commotion was about. They started talking, and Karen yelled up to me to take the cookies out of the oven and when I poked my head out the window, Marc said, "HEY!". I was so shocked at seeing him I didn't even respond. I just pulled my head back in the window and shut it. Then I realized that I was a being a big baby and this was a chance to set things straight. So I went down there.
As Karen and I were discussing the situation and he was listening, I could feel his eyes, searching my face. What was he looking for? What was he remembering? Karen then went upstairs. We talked.
At first, we pretended like nothing had happened at all. As if we just hadn't seen each for 3 months and there hadn't been any relationship altering text messages or emails. We talked about work and life and my tattoo (which he totally dug) and his plans for this coming year and everything except for the elephant between us.
Talk was winding down and he had dinner waiting inside for him. And then he brought it up. He was sorry, he said. He hadn't meant for me to take his text messages the way that I did. And then he said, "Why don't you ever come over anymore? When are you going to come and play Madden football again?"
Me: I don't know, I'm pretty crazy busy these days.
Marc: Will I see you again... soon?
Me: I don't know.
You'd think I could have come up with a more creative answer then the incessant 'I don't know'. But I was confused and I was afraid of showing too much emotion about anything.
I realized while we were talking that I couldn't look him in the eye. I couldn't let him see. I didn't want him to know that after all this time and all the tears and all the miscommunications, I was still in love with him.
Labels: Marc
