Friday, August 19, 2005
Dance Like You Mean It
There was a man dancing on the subway this morning. At first I was abhorred, I mean, he had no rhythm, but I've been thinking a lot lately about how my first inclination is to always be critical and judgmental of people that veer from societal conventions. And I realized that maybe I should be admiring this man, for his willingness to put aside all cares and worries and let himself really get into his music. Do I ever let myself go that much? No. Not even when I've been drinking heavily. We're so weighed by our need to not rock the boat that I think that we often lose some of the greatest joys in life.
I talked on the phone last night to the man that I've been crazy about for a very long time. We have a complicated relationship, which has been semi-detailed on these pages. A lot of the complication arises from the fact that I have never been honest with him about anything. About my feelings for him, about why I chose him to lose my virginity to. Last night, I laid all my cards on the table. I told him pretty much everything. We talked for a long time, and laughed a lot. I've never felt more exposed and vulnerable and I've never been more in love with him. Where will we go from here? Nowhere, I'm sure. A real relationship isn't in the cards for us. But at least I stopped letting myself be governed by fear. It's all a part of my new embrace life program. Pretty soon, I'll be dancing on the subway.
I talked on the phone last night to the man that I've been crazy about for a very long time. We have a complicated relationship, which has been semi-detailed on these pages. A lot of the complication arises from the fact that I have never been honest with him about anything. About my feelings for him, about why I chose him to lose my virginity to. Last night, I laid all my cards on the table. I told him pretty much everything. We talked for a long time, and laughed a lot. I've never felt more exposed and vulnerable and I've never been more in love with him. Where will we go from here? Nowhere, I'm sure. A real relationship isn't in the cards for us. But at least I stopped letting myself be governed by fear. It's all a part of my new embrace life program. Pretty soon, I'll be dancing on the subway.
Labels: Mr. Wrong
