The Virginity Monologues

I'm listening to Both Sides Now, by Joni Mitchell. This song never, ever fails to remind me of the weekend that I went to DC with my very good friend, K, and we listened to this song constantly. I was going through a tough time with the boyfriend at the time, and I wasn't sure why or if we should be together. This song made me so sad, every time I heard it. I wanted to believe that we were worth fighting our hardest for. He had been out on vacation for over a week by the time I got back from DC, and I went straight to him, without going home first. I just wanted to see his face. We went back to his place, and for a very stupid reason, we were having a contest to see who could hold out the longest on initiating physical relations. I tend to be the aggressor, but I was determined to win. We were laying on his bed, just talking and he turned to me and said, "How about if we kiss each other at the same time, and then neither one of us loses." Then, he kissed me with earnest. And it was the best kiss of my whole life. I felt it in my toes. I felt it everywhere. I decided in that moment, that I would fight, that I would stop looking for a way out, but put my heart into it. 2 weeks later, he gave up the fight and there wasn't anything that I could do about it. I got over it. I always do. I made myself get over it. Nothing keeps me down, nothing. But it was a while before I wanted to get back up. It was a whole new world of hurt, different from anything I had ever experienced before and all I want to do is make sure that it never, ever happens again.

Labels: The Ex