Thursday, April 28, 2005
My Search for Meaning
What motivation it has been to get to the gym, knowing that someone there thinks I'm hot and wants to do some kind of hokey-pokey with me (feasibly, of course, I don't know any of this for sure). I went again, and he was there, and it was cute. He was on the opposite end of the gym from me, but he would come to the water fountain right next to me to get a drink, despite the presence of water fountains much closer to him. No communication yet though. I want him to come to me. And he's always with friends. What is that about? They barely work out at all, why do they even come to the gym? I want to know. So, I just make meaningful eye contact and hope that he picks up on the fact that I am approachable. I'm trying to be less subtle than a big neon sign that says, "I want to fuck you!" Subtlety is not my forte however, and I don't know how much longer I can keep myself from talking to him.
I went to a wine tasting last night. My first one! It was so much fun! It would scare the shit out of you to know the depth of how sheltered my life has been before moving to New York. Afterwards, I bought my first bottle of wine. Minor problem- I don't own a corkscrew. ha! That's what I get for buying wine- the inability to open it. But seriously- here's how I feel- like a giant door has finally opened for me. I've spent my whole life standing on the other side, occasionally peeking through, only opening the door a crack, getting only glimpses of what it must be like to live life to the fullest, reigning in every single urge and impulse I ever felt. And now- that door is swinging wide on it's hinges, showing me that carnival on the other side that is actually EXPERIENCING life, instead of trying to hide all real evidence of it.
I went to a wine tasting last night. My first one! It was so much fun! It would scare the shit out of you to know the depth of how sheltered my life has been before moving to New York. Afterwards, I bought my first bottle of wine. Minor problem- I don't own a corkscrew. ha! That's what I get for buying wine- the inability to open it. But seriously- here's how I feel- like a giant door has finally opened for me. I've spent my whole life standing on the other side, occasionally peeking through, only opening the door a crack, getting only glimpses of what it must be like to live life to the fullest, reigning in every single urge and impulse I ever felt. And now- that door is swinging wide on it's hinges, showing me that carnival on the other side that is actually EXPERIENCING life, instead of trying to hide all real evidence of it.
