Sunday, October 05, 2008
To learn how to breath, again
Ok, I promise to start writing more than once a week soon!!!
I was talking to my therapist about a current situation in my life, that is a little too complicated for my personal drama meter, and I start crying. I don't even know why. And I can't stop. I cry the entire session and as I leave, I feel like someone has sucked my soul out, leaving me empty and drained. All I want to do is go home and crawl into bed and stay there for a few days.
I'm not saying that I'm unhappy or depressed in any way (I actually feel the exact opposite of depressed- elated, joyful are better words). When I was in that office, a place that I have come to know as a very safe environment, I saw in my head that I was standing at the edge of the cliff. And on the other side of that cliff was an epiphany. An important truth that I needed to know. I didn't get there. It remained elusive and out of my grasp. I wanted time to stop and think. To go back to the cliff and jump.
Was it the ability to finally wrap my head around the fact that only a few short months ago, I almost died? Was it to genuinely believe that I AM lovable? I don't know. I don't know if I'll ever know.
In the meantime, I'm gonna go for a run.
Today's Title from: How to Say Goodbye by Paul Tiernan
I was talking to my therapist about a current situation in my life, that is a little too complicated for my personal drama meter, and I start crying. I don't even know why. And I can't stop. I cry the entire session and as I leave, I feel like someone has sucked my soul out, leaving me empty and drained. All I want to do is go home and crawl into bed and stay there for a few days.
I'm not saying that I'm unhappy or depressed in any way (I actually feel the exact opposite of depressed- elated, joyful are better words). When I was in that office, a place that I have come to know as a very safe environment, I saw in my head that I was standing at the edge of the cliff. And on the other side of that cliff was an epiphany. An important truth that I needed to know. I didn't get there. It remained elusive and out of my grasp. I wanted time to stop and think. To go back to the cliff and jump.
Was it the ability to finally wrap my head around the fact that only a few short months ago, I almost died? Was it to genuinely believe that I AM lovable? I don't know. I don't know if I'll ever know.
In the meantime, I'm gonna go for a run.
Today's Title from: How to Say Goodbye by Paul Tiernan
