Thursday, September 27, 2007
And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel
My eyes are hurting from concentrating intently on my computer screen all day. I am worn out and tired. Everytime I turn and glance at my calendar, I feel overwhelmed.
Dinners. Events. Day trip to a printing plant. Horseback Riding. Paintball. Trip to Chicago. Business dinners. Business parties. Business meetings. My dad coming to town. Plays. Another day trip with Burning Man people that I have no idea where we're going.
Tonsillectomy. A visit from my sister to nurse me back to health after the tonsillectomy.
They're all staring me in the face. And I know that in the month and a half before my surgery, I WILL get sick again. I haven't gone 2 months without getting sick this entire year.
In the meantime, work is insanely busy. I'm buried deep in spreadsheets all day, every day. People have just stopped ignoring the headphones in my ears meant to point out that I am busy and focusing and please leave me alone.
And in the meantime, I'm fighting bitterness. I feel it creeping in and taking over. Enough so that I am cancelling dates. I almost cancelled with the guy I met last Friday night, but just didn't get around to it during my long and harrowing day yesterday and I am glad that I didn't, as I ended up having a pretty decent time. I'm not smitten and its not all that I'm thinking about today, but maybe it will be fun for a while. All I know is that a relationship- the last possible thing that I want right now.
I don't want drama. I don't want anxiety. I don't want to cry. I don't want to believe. And I don't want to hope.
It's just all so exhausting.
Today's Title from: The Fear You Won't Fall by Joshua Radin
Dinners. Events. Day trip to a printing plant. Horseback Riding. Paintball. Trip to Chicago. Business dinners. Business parties. Business meetings. My dad coming to town. Plays. Another day trip with Burning Man people that I have no idea where we're going.
Tonsillectomy. A visit from my sister to nurse me back to health after the tonsillectomy.
They're all staring me in the face. And I know that in the month and a half before my surgery, I WILL get sick again. I haven't gone 2 months without getting sick this entire year.
In the meantime, work is insanely busy. I'm buried deep in spreadsheets all day, every day. People have just stopped ignoring the headphones in my ears meant to point out that I am busy and focusing and please leave me alone.
And in the meantime, I'm fighting bitterness. I feel it creeping in and taking over. Enough so that I am cancelling dates. I almost cancelled with the guy I met last Friday night, but just didn't get around to it during my long and harrowing day yesterday and I am glad that I didn't, as I ended up having a pretty decent time. I'm not smitten and its not all that I'm thinking about today, but maybe it will be fun for a while. All I know is that a relationship- the last possible thing that I want right now.
I don't want drama. I don't want anxiety. I don't want to cry. I don't want to believe. And I don't want to hope.
It's just all so exhausting.
Today's Title from: The Fear You Won't Fall by Joshua Radin
Posted by Chloe
at 4:15 PM |
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