The Virginity Monologues

I was asked an interesting question today. My darling friend, (who I am forever bonded with after he witnessed me walk smack into a glass wall today, thinking that it was an open door), wanted to know how I felt that 27 was going. I don't know how to answer that question. My 27th birthday sent me into a tailspin of personal angst. It was that birthday which pushed me careening, roller-coaster style, toward losing my virginity. Suddenly, I wasn't just a 20-something virgin, I was an almost-30-year-old virgin. That crosses over from wow-that-takes-self-control status, to just plain LOSER status. I KNOW that I need to just take this one day at a time, and that I need to stop obsessing about it and that the right opportunity will eventually present itself. But that doesn't mean that I can. I've got a blow-torch under my ass and an overwhelming sense of urgency to just get it over with.

Last night I was doing laundry. I went to the deli/bodega next door to get myself some Fanta while I waited. Transcript of actual conversation that took place between me and a cute boy:

Cute Boy: Hi, how are you?
Me: Fine, how are you?
Cute Boy: I'm all right. How was your Memorial Day weekend?
Me: It was lovely, how was yours?
Cute Boy: It was all right. I got to meet some family I had never met before.
Me: Oh, well, that's gotta be exciting.
Cute Boy: Not really...... I got stabbed.
Me: (stammering) I'm sorry, did you just say you got stabbed?
Cute Boy: Yeah, right here in the shoulder
Me: Well, good luck with that stab wound.

That, folks, is my neighborhood in a nutshell. Try to control the jealousy.