Friday, March 09, 2007
I hurt myself today, To see if I still feel
I did it! Last night, I finished the Total Body Conditioning class STRAIGHT out of Hades, and I could walk, without aid, back to my locker to retrieve my iPod, then walk over to the treadmills and run. I could have run further than I did, but there was something off with the belt on my treadmill and I was getting shin splints like nobody's business. I had to stop, because it felt like someone was pounding a strip of nails into my left shin. I could have switched treadmills, I suppose, but I was already 75% done anyway. And I needed to go home and eat. And Grey's Anatomy was on and I didn't know if it was new or a repeat (repeat! Those bastards!).
These are important issues, people.
Yesterday was not a great day. I don't remember which horse movie it was (maybe the Horse Whisperer) where they talked about how sometimes you have to break a horse down completely, before you can build him back up- for training purposes or something. I've totally fucked that up and now y'all think I go about beating horses, but really, nothing offends me more than cruelty to animals.
Anyway, I feel like this is what's happening to me. That I have to hit absolute rock bottom before I can start building myself back up again. And everytime I think it couldn't get worse, something happens, like I call my dad and after saying, "Hey, it's Chloe", he doesn't recognize who I am so I have to add the "your daughter" disclaimer- JUST TO CLEAR THINGS UP.
Isn't he a peach?
In my head, I've been repeating over and over in my head- I can't control him. I can't make him a better father. The only thing I can control is my reaction to him. I will not let him get to me.
Is it working?
Eh.
Pilates works better. I would know. I just finished a class.
Tonight. I am seeing The 300. Having majored in Greek history, I am both very excited and very nervous. Historical inaccuracies (i.e. Spartans fighting in their underwear? I don't think so) tend to bother me. But the Battle of Thermopylae is such a great story, I'm so excited to see it brought to life in such a visually arresting manner.
Today's Title from: Hurt by Nine Inch Nails
These are important issues, people.
Yesterday was not a great day. I don't remember which horse movie it was (maybe the Horse Whisperer) where they talked about how sometimes you have to break a horse down completely, before you can build him back up- for training purposes or something. I've totally fucked that up and now y'all think I go about beating horses, but really, nothing offends me more than cruelty to animals.
Anyway, I feel like this is what's happening to me. That I have to hit absolute rock bottom before I can start building myself back up again. And everytime I think it couldn't get worse, something happens, like I call my dad and after saying, "Hey, it's Chloe", he doesn't recognize who I am so I have to add the "your daughter" disclaimer- JUST TO CLEAR THINGS UP.
Isn't he a peach?
In my head, I've been repeating over and over in my head- I can't control him. I can't make him a better father. The only thing I can control is my reaction to him. I will not let him get to me.
Is it working?
Eh.
Pilates works better. I would know. I just finished a class.
Tonight. I am seeing The 300. Having majored in Greek history, I am both very excited and very nervous. Historical inaccuracies (i.e. Spartans fighting in their underwear? I don't think so) tend to bother me. But the Battle of Thermopylae is such a great story, I'm so excited to see it brought to life in such a visually arresting manner.
Today's Title from: Hurt by Nine Inch Nails
Posted by Chloe
at 1:47 PM |
Permalink to I hurt myself today, To see if I still feel |
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