Tuesday, May 09, 2006
From Where We Least Expect It
I feel so many things right now.
Happy. I've been talking to my former stepsister, Allison, all morning. How much we've both changed. I feel like I could spend hours talking to her and never run out of things to say. She's clearly been through some pretty hard times herself and has managed to come out on top. It was from her where I found the strength that I've been needing.
Sad/Lost Little Girl. I talked to Allison about Scott. About my frustrations with the situation and my fears of playing a game where I'm unsure of the rules and almost assuredly going to end up hurt. She asked me if I was going to accept it, or finally take charge of my needs and my feelings. She told me she knew I deserved better. But what if I don't get any better? I want to get rid of Scott. I don't want someone in my life who isn't willing to work for me. I don't want to just be convenient. I want someone to inconvenience themselves for me FOR ONCE. But I'm afraid of letting go of Scott. I like him and I know he likes me on some level. I know he's very physically attracted to me and that feels good.
I find myself at an impasse.
I have ALWAYS said that I would rather be alone for the right reasons, than with someone for the wrong ones.
I guess it's time to make that a reality.
Happy. I've been talking to my former stepsister, Allison, all morning. How much we've both changed. I feel like I could spend hours talking to her and never run out of things to say. She's clearly been through some pretty hard times herself and has managed to come out on top. It was from her where I found the strength that I've been needing.
Sad/Lost Little Girl. I talked to Allison about Scott. About my frustrations with the situation and my fears of playing a game where I'm unsure of the rules and almost assuredly going to end up hurt. She asked me if I was going to accept it, or finally take charge of my needs and my feelings. She told me she knew I deserved better. But what if I don't get any better? I want to get rid of Scott. I don't want someone in my life who isn't willing to work for me. I don't want to just be convenient. I want someone to inconvenience themselves for me FOR ONCE. But I'm afraid of letting go of Scott. I like him and I know he likes me on some level. I know he's very physically attracted to me and that feels good.
I find myself at an impasse.
I have ALWAYS said that I would rather be alone for the right reasons, than with someone for the wrong ones.
I guess it's time to make that a reality.
Labels: Scott
