Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Back In NYC
Well, 4 flights and about 6,000 miles later, I am a very exhausted girl. I discovered the true horror of flying this weekend when I was seated in the middle seats for my two longest flights, one of which was a straight shot from San Francisco to JFK. That's 5 hours of being smushed between a woman who kept snorting some sort of nasal medication up her nostrils and a man who clearly had not bathed or brushed his teeth in approximately 72 hours. Followed by a 2 hour subway ride on the local running A train, and I have never been more grateful to be home, ever.
It's late, but my body is still on West Coast time and I can't sleep. I'm still PMSy emotional and wanting a clear solution to the Scott situation and not finding it. Although the conondrum may be completely taken out of my hands, as he came over on Thursday night to see me before I left and I have barely heard from him since (a few text messages). It seems to be a weird sort of pattern developing for me. The last two men that I have let come over to my house and they have then subsequently stuck their hands down my pants, have then proceeded to drop out of my life at the speed of light. I am not letting another man come over to my house again, I have decided. It's probably for the best. I was struggling with being blase about the relationship and his complete lack of dependability was causing me to have uncharactistic bursts of rage. If only I didn't like him so much, it would be so much easier to accept things for what they are and just walk away. I deleted all of his contact information from my phone tonight, my first step in removing someone from my life. Everyone cross their fingers that I can keep him out. He's not good for me and I know, but my heart is weak and I want to know that someone cares for me, besides my mother. And having his arms around me makes me feel safe in a way that I haven't felt in a long, long, long time, if ever.
Must stop crying....
It's late, but my body is still on West Coast time and I can't sleep. I'm still PMSy emotional and wanting a clear solution to the Scott situation and not finding it. Although the conondrum may be completely taken out of my hands, as he came over on Thursday night to see me before I left and I have barely heard from him since (a few text messages). It seems to be a weird sort of pattern developing for me. The last two men that I have let come over to my house and they have then subsequently stuck their hands down my pants, have then proceeded to drop out of my life at the speed of light. I am not letting another man come over to my house again, I have decided. It's probably for the best. I was struggling with being blase about the relationship and his complete lack of dependability was causing me to have uncharactistic bursts of rage. If only I didn't like him so much, it would be so much easier to accept things for what they are and just walk away. I deleted all of his contact information from my phone tonight, my first step in removing someone from my life. Everyone cross their fingers that I can keep him out. He's not good for me and I know, but my heart is weak and I want to know that someone cares for me, besides my mother. And having his arms around me makes me feel safe in a way that I haven't felt in a long, long, long time, if ever.
Must stop crying....
Labels: Scott
