The Virginity Monologues

Well, my 31st birthday may go down in my personal history as one of my best birthdays of my entire life.

There was dinner on my actual birthday with my favorite people.

There was the weekend in Miami, which left me sexually satisfied for 2 full weeks.

There was a night at the symphony with Spatch, where she introduced me to something else to be passionate about.

There was a night at a spa with Ana, where we were scrubbed raw by funny little women then massaged, then she introduced me to her favorite korean restaurant.

There's been drinks with co-workers.

And the best part is, I haven't been at all upset about getting another year older. I'm so much happier with my life and where I'm at now than I was at 30, that I don't care that I have to add another year to my age.
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Betsy and I walked into our favorite bar to hang out at on Friday night, planning to get a few drinks before we finished the night out. Cory was at the bar. And he saw us before we could turn around and leave. We said hi briefly then went to join our other friends at the bar. After our friends left, Cory came and sat down next to me and we talked for a few hours.

After he left, he texted me telling me its always good to see me. We went back and forth a little when he sent me a text that made it VERY clear that he was interested in me. I was confused, but decided to see where this was going to go. We made plans to hang out Saturday night at my place.

He showed up at 8:30 with a bottle of wine. We ordered take out and talked for hours. I asked him if he still wanted to date Betsy. No, he didn't. Did he like me? Yes, he did. I told him I wasn't going to have sex with him that night and that I wasn't interested in a purely physical relationship, so if this was going to be a problem, then maybe we shouldn't keep seeing each other.

I've never had a man be more respectful of me, in my life. He stayed until around 2:30 am, not kissing me until the last 5 minutes that he was there.

Where is this going to go? I don't know. But I'm pretty excited to find out.

Today's Title from: So Far To Go by Common

Labels: Cory

Is there anything, more painful, than sitting across a table from your crush, the man you've been talking to on the phone for hours, and thinking that maybe, just maybe, it could finally be your turn, and hearing him tell you that he has to be honest with you and tell you, that he's been hoping to date your friend?

I think not.

If only I was skinny, you think to yourself. So you go to the gym, you punish yourself. You berate yourself for being so stupid as to believe that this one could actually like you. I mean, really, have you seen Betsy? She's tiny and charming as hell. Just what the fuck were you thinking?

And then, when you're having lunch with Betsy after the gym, cause she's one of your best friends, she tells you that she think's you're smart and wonderful and beautiful and she apologizes profusely, even though its not her fault.

You feel small and silly and pathetic. And you wonder how much more its going to take for you to finally learn your lesson and just stop hoping.

Today's Title from: Something I Can Never Have by Nine Inch Nails

Labels: Cory

As we drove under the sign announcing that we had arrived at Miami International Airport, my heart broke a little. I would have to remove my flips flops and start wearing a scarf again shortly. It was unfair and it was much too soon.

The 2 days could not have been more perfect. We slept. We ate. We had incredible, off the charts sex. He showed me South Beach and what its like to have an orgasm on a pool table. He took bubble baths with me and never talked on his phone. He let me do all of the stupid shit I wanted to do (drive past Miami Ink!) and let me sleep in before attacking me in the mornings.

I remembered the reasons I had been glad that there had always been a time limit on our relationship. He has many wonderful qualitities, has never treated me badly, is unbelievably gorgeous and we obviously have a very strong physical connection, but there is something missing in what I feel for him. He bores me a little and I don't feel like jumping out of my skin with excitement when I'm sitting across from him at a table. There's a spark that's missing. A spark that I am confident that I can feel, because I feel it for someone else.

His name is Cory. I met him one night about a month ago when I walked into a bar with my friend, Betsy. He was sitting at the bar and it turns out, knows Betsy from when they lived on the same block. I ended up sitting next to him, and we talked for hours. We exchanged numbers at the end of the night and I was surprised to get a text from him the next morning. He very obviously has an incredibly poetic soul and is a true romantic at heart.

As I've gotten to know him better, I've discovered that Cory is the kind of guy you marry. Out of all the hours that we have talked at this point, he's never said anything even remotely inappropriate. It's been about truly learning about the other person. He asks me questions about my training and about how I feel about religion and the details that inevitably are so much more important than sexual compatibility.

We haven't gone on a date. We've only hung out with other friends a few times, and at the end of one of those nights, I got a kiss on the cheek that somehow managed to capture some lips in there too. Our whole exchange has been sweet and innocent. And I absolutely adore him. I think about him often and his smile makes my heart race.

Today's Title from: Street Lights by Kanye West

Labels: Cory, Mr. 11