Thursday, March 24, 2005
Bad Idea Dinner
I backslid last night into the warm, dark depths of my heroin. Dinner was perfect. Activities afterward- oodles of ease and familiar fun. It was comfortable and heart-wrenching. I love that I am the truest version of myself when I am with him. There is no editing of words or thoughts. I can let them all tumble freely from my mouth without fear of recrimination or condemnation. I can tell him the complete story. I walked away with the same refrain resounding loudly in my head of "why are we not together?"
The answer is complicated and involves that dastardly word- compromise. Neither one of us is willing to do it. End of story. Well, obviously not really the end of the story as we still hang out, and I still long for his lips (and other places too, I'll admit). Also, pride would never allow me to make a reconciliation attempt. I am a vain, vain woman and a rejection of that magnitude would irrevocably damage my already fragile self-confidence.
Maybe the anonymous, cheap interludes is a better course to run. Its so much less emotionally taxing. But it's also so cold and empty and quite frankly- unsatisfying. So, I guess I'll just keep my clothes on for now.
The answer is complicated and involves that dastardly word- compromise. Neither one of us is willing to do it. End of story. Well, obviously not really the end of the story as we still hang out, and I still long for his lips (and other places too, I'll admit). Also, pride would never allow me to make a reconciliation attempt. I am a vain, vain woman and a rejection of that magnitude would irrevocably damage my already fragile self-confidence.
Maybe the anonymous, cheap interludes is a better course to run. Its so much less emotionally taxing. But it's also so cold and empty and quite frankly- unsatisfying. So, I guess I'll just keep my clothes on for now.
Labels: The Ex
